Boobs and bras (with added alien monks and marzipan hair dye)!

It is official - my subconcious is obsessed with bras and boobs!

I was in Leekes (a shop) and I found a strange bra.  It was really gorgeous and soft and looked like it had no support at all, but when I tried it on, (I should add that I stripped off to do this in the middle of the shop!), it was incredibly supportive, sort of moulded itself to me and felt great.  It was comfortable yet really put my boobs where I wanted them to be.

I was very pleased and went around thrusting my boobs at random passers by.  I had two other bras that I had previously bought and wanted to return them, so I went to the tills but they weren't tills, they were comfy chairs.  I was just about to go to explain I no longer had the hanger but I did have the receipt, when it occurred to me that I hadn't bought them from there in the first place, so I went up to a cashier, said 'OH' and walked off!

I then went into a changing room to change back into my own bra but it was a barn and a very old friend Mandy was in there, with her husband Steve.  She was also getting changed and I happened to turn around while she was completely naked.  She went mad at me for seeing her naked and I said it was an accident and besides I didn't care.  I then proceeded to run up to her topless and really jiggle, shake and wave my boobs at her, almost hitting myself in the face in the process.

She just tutted at me and turned away, so I just shrugged, put the new bra back on, had that wonderful feeling of it sort of shrink wrapping itself to my body and making everything all firm, then I walked off, sticking my boobs out as far as I could!

I suddenly became aware that my new bra consisted of tiny alien monks (!) that were all holding me in position and that they were processing lots of information about my size and shape and how I moved, to feed back to their planet!  The summary of their findings was '56'.

I got home and it was an unknown house, but was clearly my family home.  My sister and father were there and were packing to move house.  My Dad kept tipping out the contents of boxes I had packed telling me to pack them again, but better.  The contents got less and less each time and seemed to mainly consist of logs.  I decided I couldn't really be bothered to pack logs and threw them into a shed.

I was then suddenly in a hairdressers and I asked to become a redhead, so they gave me some red marzipan and told me to use it all up by softening it in my hands then rubbing it all on to my hair.  I sat to do this and hoped that the final colour wasn't quite as extreme as the colour of the marzipan.  It was very bright red.

I was sat there ages and ages and it seemed a never ending block of marzipan.  Meanwhile, there was a lot going on in the hairdressers.  People were gossiping and talking about some sort of scandal, running around and whispering in corners.

Eventually a young lad realised I hadn't got a mirror so gave me a small octagonal mirror that was too low so I had to duck down to see in it.  No matter what I did, there was always one bit of my hair that didn't have any red on it and I got really frustrated trying to put it all on while events around me got more and more chaotic!

One of the hairdressers was Kate Whittall - a friend I haven't seen for 15 years or more?

Suddenly ( a different dream?) I was upstairs in a terraced house somewhere, looking out of the window and my husband was sat in the next-door neighbour's front garden.

A couple got out of a car and started to go door to door.  They were clearly selling something and I shouted to my husband to hide!  But then I noticed they were selling all sorts of brushes so I said to stop them, as we needed brushes.  I started to run downstairs but I was topless (told you I was obsessed!) so I had to hold my boobs as I ran.

I discovered the sales people plus half the street in 'my' dining room and they all started to ask me to value the brushes!  

I picked up one....it was like a cross between a nailbrush, a scrubbing brush and a charm bracelet!

It was the size of a pocket calculator, it had long, fine, soft bristles and on the reverse, each tuft of bristles had attached to it a silver lucky charm!  They looked really expensive, proper silver charms and I thought it was worth £23 so said as much only to have all the neighbours dive in to buy them before me.

I picked two up quickly, hid one underneath each boob and ran off down the road being chased with people with brushes!!

A face only a monkey puzzle tree could love....;-)

Quite short this time...

I was in a kitchen with my parents and I was trying to get ready to go out although the more I tried the worse it seemed to get. My dad was exceptionally grumpy and snapping at me. Then he locked me outside for getting on his nerves.  

I carried on trying to stop my hair from looking crap, but it somehow got tangled up with the washing line and a man walking his dog had to get his dog to bite the tangled bit off. 

I was then let back in and my dad apologised reluctantly. I shrugged and said it was fine and went out. 

At the pub, which was actually a village hall, I was in the loos, still trying to make myself look ok. 

I was become increasingly depressed at how, the more I tried the worse my face and hair looked, but I couldn't leave it alone. 

Some of my hair started to fall out and my skin looked like it was melting. 

I overheard my new friend (K) arrive and ask my husband where I was. My husband explained I was getting ready and K was excited to see what I'd chosen to wear etc and seemed to have high expectations. 

I looked at what a disgusting mess I was in the mirror and couldn't face going out and being seen by people, so I looked for a window to escape. 

Luckily there was a patio door leading to a field so I ran as fast as I could, clutching my bag and crying. 

I felt sure that birds flew away, animals ran and even plants turned away from me at the sight of me and I knew I was getting uglier. I felt terrified to ever see myself ever again. 

I got into some woodland and sat down exhausted. A voice told me to calm down and it turned out to be a monkey puzzle tree that could talk. 

I tried to hide my face but the tree had seen and said it didn't care. It told me to stop worrying and that I could live in the woods if I liked. 

I thought I may as well and started to cover a picnic table with rocks(?!)  For some reason this seemed essential and quite urgent.

When I'd finished, a squirrel sat near me and I felt a lot better. I felt hungry..... and luckily I had a corner shop in my bag so went in and bought three cakes. 

Bit late posting this one!

I couldn't see and realised someone had stuck a letter over my eyes.  I pulled it off and it turned out that the letter was an anonymous tip off letting me know my hair had been put into an auction

I realised with horror that I had no hair, so I put on a hat and stomped off to the auction which was being held at the top of a travelator in an airport. 

It was announced by the auctioneer, as 'unkempt, antique hair' and the bidding was too high, so I snatched it and escaped on a scooter. 

Right....the next bit is REALLY hard to explain. 

There was a gap in the floor so it was like standing on the edge of a cliff.  The only thing connecting the two sides was a fairly thin frozen....thing. 

It looked like a horizontal waterfall that had frozen solid.  On this was a parked car which I had to get to. 

I edged along the slippy surface gingerly. It was very scary. I got in the car and tried to drive it but it kept skidding and everyone was shouting that it was in neutral. 

I managed to reverse it to the other side but had to stop at border control. I was allowed over the border but only on foot and only if I was attached to a book shop by a piece of elastic. 

I ran over the border many times and got pulled back, hitting my back on the book shop.  I was aware I had marks all over my back as though I'd been whipped. 

It got harder and harder to run fast and when I looked down, I saw that my feet were actually pot plants. 

Gwyn and Julia Roberts...

I was in a restaurant with Gwyn (yes...you!) but for some reason we were at separate tables.  The waitress brought me the bill and I paid with my credit card but she overcharged me saying she was 'rounding it up' to £20.02.  Furthermore she took my purse out of my bag and took a further 12p and then took another credit card and charged that with another 12p due to the fact that the turnover was over £100,000 (!)

Then I was at a garden party and I had 'all purpose gunk'.  A booklet explained it had 1001 uses and on page 12 it said how it could be used to cut hair so I decided to cut my husband's hair.  I rubbed it in but it got behind his eye so he ran off to wash it.

As a joke I told everyone to say that his hair had turned purple when he got back but everyone got it wrong and said it was pink except a young lad that turned out to be a young David Cameron who told the truth (!) and said it was fine and totally deflated everyone.

As it was too late to get the gunk out of his hair as it had set, the troubleshooting page told me the only remedy was to use Julia Roberts as a scissors and cut it all out.  Luckily Julia Roberts was there and by locating and acquiring her as scissors I was awarded the OBE.