Where to start...?

Yes...another marathon.  Many apologies...I will TRY to keep it as brief as I can but......well I am not known for my ability to do that!

The first bit I can remember, is where I was a slave to a gangster.  He had me on a lead and made me crawl everywhere, but in the way that a rabbit would run, so both arms had to always move together and both knees did too.   Now you have that ridiculous image in your head, let me expand on it a little.  I was crawling on ice and my job was to break the ice by jumping and skidding on it... and reveal the pavement beneath.  Once revealed the gangster could get people to stand on it and punch them!  

Somehow, this dream merged into the next where I was backpacking around the world with my Dad (a less likely scenario you could not imagine)!  We'd had a most fantastic time and we had arrived home, at the base of a mountain where we all lived as a family.  I really wanted to carry on backpacking, to see more of the world, but Dad was weary and wanted to go home, so we did.  We climbed up the mountain to a strange, topsy turvy little house perched on the top.

Once there we had a strange meal of garden cuttings and slugs (yes...slugs keep appearing lately in my dreams....can't think why! ;-), and we ate outside on a rickety old table with three legs.

The next bit of the dream was in a huge, but empty....almost derelict flat.  It was my home though and I was living there with another person, not sure who.  There were two huge living rooms.  One was completely wood lined, dark and just about warm enough to be in without too much discomfort.  The rest of the flat however, was absolutely freezing...really draughty and bitter cold.

In the other living room, me and this mystery person (male is all I know), were playing a game of both running from opposite ends of the room, jumping in the air, landing flat on our bellies (ouch!) and sliding as far as we could - it was a competition, great fun, not as painful as it would be in real life and managed to warm us up.

In this flat, there was an odd shaped bathroom where all the bathroom furniture was in a different cupboard in many nooks and crannies in the room...so the loo was in one cupboard, the bath in another and so on.....I managed to find a small cupboard that seemed to disappear round a corner so I crawled in to investigate and found a secret room.  It also turned out that the flat next-door had a similar set up that led to the same room.

OK...I wasn't sure how much of this bit to put...maybe it should be completely censored, but....well....it transpired that I had the same fetish as my neighbour so we would meet in the secret room for sex.  I shall not go into any further details and I won't say who the person is!  ;-)

So....on to the next bit then! :)

Back in the flat, with the other person I lived with....who was now female....we heard scratching and chewing in the ceiling which was now polystyrene and painted a horrible sickly, pinky-purply colour.  It was in such a bad condition that I could see up into the roof space and could see a rat in there.

I called it out and it obediently came out! I was stroking it, but I knew I also had to get it out of the flat, so I picked it up as gently as I could at the base of its tail but it curved round and bit me really hard.  Its teeth were deeply embedded in my hand and I was trying to use my other hand to prise its jaw apart.  

In the end I had to flick it off and I felt really bad about hurting it but it ran off and seemed ok.

I suddenly noticed that the flat was no longer a flat but a waiting room at a railway station.  I realised I was on a package holiday that involved going everywhere by train.  We all had to walk in procession down the platform, over a bridge and into the station cafe for our meal.

The only thing..... was that there was no ground.  Just planks of wood not very well lined up with huge gaps and nothing below, just a horrible long fall into nothing if you didn't stay on the planks!

The bloke behind me in the queue was identical to the bloke in front and I was very confused as to whether he was pushing in front of me or not, so decided to get cross with him anyway just in case!  There was a lot of dangerous jostling but we all survived into the cafe, where they were serving schoolboy and mushroom pie!!  I didn't have any because I don't like mushrooms!!!

It turned out the pies were poisonous and everyone else collapsed.  I wanted to take some of their plates (they were actually all plastic Disney dishes) as evidence, but they all dissolved.

Lots of police and ambulances turned up and following tests they told me I was dying anyway because I had caught 'instigitis' off the rat bite!!