Hospitals, weird stuff and a sexy game show...

OK... it's another long one....consider yourselves warned!

It started with me having a stroke!  Or at least my sub conscious mind's opinion of what it would be like to have one....which I have to say is pretty horrible. 

The left side of my body was weak so I couldn't walk. My left eye wouldn't shut, the left side of my mouth wouldn't smile and I could barely talk. 

I had a battle to get anyone to take me to hospital, then I was in the waiting room for hours panicking because I knew the quicker they acted, the better my chance of recovery.....and no one was doing anything. 

I kept trying to explain this to people but no one would listen. 

Somehow...time moved on and the stroke was no longer an issue but I was still in the hospital. 

I was with my husband and we bumped into Dara O'Briain. We got chatting and he told us we should go to one of his gigs. He gave us a list and we noticed he was coming to Swansea. 

He looked and said 'oh yes. It's now'!  He then ran off as he was late. 

It turned out the gig was in the room we were stood in so we sat in the middle of the floor. 

He started off by picking someone out of the audience that turned out to be my friend Jules. He introduced her, walked off stage and left her to it.  

She did several cartwheels, then stuck gold bubblewrap on her shoulder and (very obviously) while she was turned away, pulled a string which made fake vomit dribble out of the bubble wrap. 

Dara came back and said that was it, so everyone went except Heather Trott from eastenders.  She didn't feel well so I sat her down and offered to take her blood pressure. 

I went off to get a bp monitor thingy but on the way, I noticed I'd dropped hundreds of backs of earrings and bits of curtains all over the hospital corridor. 

I tried to pick them up but whenever someone walked past and touched one, it popped and jumped a few yards, like Himalayan Balsam seeds!

A matron came over to me and asked what I was doing. I explained and she came with me to take Heather's BP. 

It was lower than mine so she threw us all out. 

I refused to go saying that Heather wasn't well and I'd stay with her until it was sorted even if it took all night. 

Heather started to cry, then John Major appeared to throw me out. I started to run and he chased me down corridors. As I went through doors I deliberately didn't shut them properly to make him think I was more stupid than I am (!)

Eventually I hid in a loo and he couldn't find me, but when I left the loo, I realised I was in a game show with two of my male friends and one female friend. 

I won't name them to save embarrassing them!  

The idea of the game show, was that we all had to choose one person to have sex with, no one would know who had chosen who, but the director sent us off in pairs. 

After having sex we came back and watched on a screen as it was revealed who had chosen who...and why!

Much upset followed. Tears, accusations and arguments. 

At the end of it all the director told me I'd won and that my prize was a season ticket to watch the tin pot hat men.  :-/

And I wonder why I can't get up in the mornings!

Funny who ends up in my dreams!

In my first dream, I was having sex with Gwyn in an oven, in amongst sausages and chips! Sorry Gwyn!! 

Then I was in hospital waiting for an operation. The nurses sent me to a cubicle to be scrubbed clean and I stood in there waiting when I was joined by four naked men, also waiting to be scrubbed.  

I was a bit surprised that they'd put men and women in the same cubicle but we all politely said hello to each other and avoided looking where we shouldn't. 

One of the men asked me if we had to scrub ourselves or if a nurse came to do it and I realised he was John Cleese!

I held up a nail brush but before I could answer my husband popped his head in and pointed to Jonathan Ross who was sitting outside. He asked if I could remember what present I'd bought him from abroad. 

I confidently said it was a grey mohair scoop neck jumper. Then I frowned and explained that it couldn't be that because a) I still had it and b) why would I give that to an Australian (!)

I therefore concluded that the present must have been everything else!

There was another part of the dream that Catherine Zeta Jones and Eve Myles were in, but although it was in my mind when I started typing this, I've now forgotten!!  I think there was a donkey and a beach in it though :-/

Ah well. If it comes back to me...

X rated but toned down...

I was working overnight in a sub-post office for Joanna Lumley and a man bought my sexual services with a custard slice.  I won't go into too much detail or it will be too X rated. 

I had to do the 'mirror image sex dance' down some stairs with a woman everyone thought had been on TV but turned out to work for the council

Then I had to do something with an American teenager with sausage breath and an annoying attitude. 

Then the man returned, proving he'd actually given me two custard slices, so he tied my fingers and toes to some ornaments using string and took me off to watch some extreme skateboarding done to the soundtrack of musicals. 

Then the man had me do some very rude things that I'd best not detail, but it involved a flyover and some graffiti. 

Bit of a sexual theme this time....

I was using the software GarageBand but to create a sexual experience rather than a piece of music. There were layers of sensation and stimulation to create so I had to keep sneaking off to find a private space to 'record' bits, but I was followed everywhere so was constantly moving on from room to room and hiding.

I seemed to have many sex toys but most were broken, deformed or covered in black fluff. Eventually I got it finished and it was so good the government declared it the national anthem orgasm.

In a separate part of the dream I was in a fairground and a man was in one half of a two person extreme swing. He needed a partner. There was quite an audience and they all thought I was the exact right size to balance him. They said I could go on for free so I did.

The swing got higher and higher and ended up breaking free and swooping through the clouds. It landed in a cave garage and I was taken off to be the man's sex slave.