Alphabet strangeness and mini madness

Well last night's adventure started with me mowing the lawns but everywhere I'd mown had turned cream :-/ 

When I got to the bit of lawn behind the sheds, I suddenly got hit on the head by the letter Y. I suddenly realised that RT and an old friend were fighting, by standing as far away from each other as they could and throwing giant letters at each other. 

Also they were both in fancy dress. :-/

I asked what on earth they were doing and they both stopped and stared at me as if I'd just asked the most peculiar question ever. 

They both said in unison 'a b c d e f g' then got back to fighting. I shrugged and tried to carry on mowing but the mower had disappeared. 

I decided to move some logs instead but for some reason I was moving them by standing over them, legs apart, crouching down and using my inner thighs to roll the logs by swaying my hips side to side!

Suddenly my friend had a huge X sticking out of his chest. He'd been hit. RT was most upset saying it was only meant to be a game. 

RT and I bundled the friend into the back of my mini and set off for hospital but my mini only had three wheels so it was a bumpy ride!

Suddenly we were all out of the car and I was driving it by remote control! It swerved, went through a hedge and I somehow managed to drive it UNDER a blue Volvo! 

The people in the house came out and the owner of the Volvo didn't seem too annoyed. He just tutted and went back in. 

My mini was pulled out and had no roof. I thought about just carrying on driving it as an open top sports mini, but before I could decide, an insurance man popped up next to me. 

He said my insurance would cover repairs to both cars but my mini would have to be taken away now and sit in the waiting room. 

I asked why it couldn't wait at my house and the insurance man looked very shifty and kept looking over to the people from the house who also looked shifty. 

I got very suspicious and put the mini, RT and the other friend into a wooden cart (don't ask me how!) jumped on a horse and rode away pulling the cart behind me! 

There was then a boring bit about writing reports up at work but the horse bit is a better ending ;-)

Discombobulation...

Oh dear another marathon dreaming session!

Right then....it all started with me driving my friend Jules in my Austin Mini.  We were lost somewhere in the West Country, trying to find Bath.  I would be driving along on a normal road and the surroundings would suddenly dissolve around me and turn into a place that was all isolated and weed infested and looked like a disused airfield.

In the end, I remembered that I had an app on my phone which allowed me to locate other Mini drivers to ask directions.  Following directions from the app, I found a street which was solely occupied by Mini drivers (the old classic Minis) and they were the only cars parked there...there were dozens of them.  I realised that I actually was in Bath anyway so I just parked next to them.

We went to a pub and while I was at the bar a man was chatting my friend up.  He kept looking at me and called me her guard dog! I made a mental note to get annoyed with him later on, then went to order my drink, only to realise that the barman was Gwyn, except he had a rainbow instead of a face!

He asked me if I wanted some drugs.  I didn't think I did, but I said yes because I thought it would make me look cool(!)

The next thing I remember, I was sat on the floor attached to Gwyn's leg.  I was also aware that I would be having sex with him later on and that also there was some sort of orgy arranged which I was being paid £45 for!

I looked up at him and he still had a rainbow for a face.  I tried to stand up but I was completely attached to his leg.  

I noticed that there were lots of women dancing and as they danced they were taking their clothes off.  Unfortunately for the men there, they were not fit young women, but very elderly women.  It was much more like a disco at an OAP naturist gathering, than anything remotely erotic.

That dream seems to end there and in a separate dream, I was queuing up to go to weight-watchers in a shed, in a car park somewhere and there was also a queue for slimming world.  I kept swapping queues and I got all confused and upset and didn't know what to do, so I ran away and ended up walking down a never ending road in a desert.  There was a child there who kept telling me to ask it (don't know if it was a girl or a boy) questions to test it for a quiz or an exam.

I was getting annoyed that I couldn't think of enough questions and just wanted to be left alone really, so I picked up a rock and found 1972 under it.  I jumped in and went to Pearce's shop, to ask for tinza beer.  I was clutching a sixpence in my hand and it made me happy.

Is it just me or are they getting weirder?!

A tale of two dreams...

Definitely two distinct dreams last night.  

Dream One - A bloody end in Paris

The first one was quite short but rather violent and bloody.  Leslie Grantham was climbing on a very odd piece of machinery in the centre of Paris which is very hard to describe....

It was completely made of metal.  It was oval in shape and the oval sat on two metal tripods, each of which were 100 foot tall.  The oval itself had lots of sharp spikes on it - blades really and an inner metal oval that went round and round within the other slightly larger oval.  

Leslie Grantham was stood on the lower oval trying to keep his balance and not fall off or injure himself on the blades.  He kept falling over and I had a sense of tension and fear as the person observing / dreaming.  

I somehow knew that he wanted to stay alive long enough to see his daughter.  He fell over and his fingers got into the wrong place and were cut off.  He screamed and I could see his fingers left behind and his fingerless hand spewing blood everywhere.  He was clearly shocked and fell again - this time his elbow was sliced off and he finally lost his balance and fell hurtling towards the ground.

I became aware of his daughter and her friend who had just left a cafe and had arrived just in time to see.  He saw her and I was somehow aware that he was saying sorry to her. He then splatted on the ground and there was blood and organs and pieces of bone everywhere.  I am sure it was much more messy than it would have been in real life.

Then I woke up in the early hours of the morning.  Now I haven’t heard about or thought of Leslie Grantham for years so I have no idea where all this came from.  Anyway - back to bed and back to sleep and this time a much nicer.....and longer dream.  If you are reading this Gwyn, don’t go yet as you are in the next bit (although so is someone you don’t like very much)!

Dream Two - Time Travelling, teeth and bees 

This dream started out in a cafeteria.  I had a prawn and avocado baguette which I didn’t like (nor do I in real life).  I kept looking at it not sure on what to do as I didn’t know whose fault it was that I had it in the first place.

The two people the other side of a little bar type thing also evidently had baguettes they didn’t like and decided to burst into a musical style song and dance about it.  They were dancing around the tables poking people with their baguettes and singing some irritating musical style song.  When they came to me I thought the best thing to do was to give them my baguette too so they could deal with it.  So I did.

I then followed them up to the preparation area where it turned out that Rob Brydon was the very cheery chef.  The two dancing idiots disappeared at this point and Chef Rob was talking to me.  He said he had all sorts of lovely things in his kitchen and what could he get for me.  I was just choosing from a wonderful array of breads and cakes, when he suddenly realised I was his son’s girlfriend and took me by the arm to take me ‘home’.

I have no idea how, but I was aware that we were traveling through time and had ended up back in the 1980s.  He took me in to a typical valleys terraced house.  As we went in he pointed out the higgledy piggledy rows of terraced houses on the mountain opposite and told me that it was only in Wales that I would see houses like that.

I remember thinking that I felt annoyed that he was pointing this out to me as I was from a valleys town myself and knew things like that.

We went in and he took me to his son’s bedroom so I could wait for him.  I threw myself onto the unmade bed and decided to have a squirm (you know when you wriggle and writhe around on a comfy bed?......No?.....maybe that’s just me then)! ;-)

I realised I needed to get ready - have a shower, clean my teeth, put on make up and do my hair etc.  I went to the bathroom next-door and as I walked between the two rooms, Gwyn appeared with huge headphones on and grinned at me.  I remember thinking - ‘oh so Rob Brydon is Gwyn’s Dad’!  And suddenly lots of things made sense (?!)

The bathroom was avacado green and a bit scruffy and dirty looking and it was clear that many people lived in the house and used it.

I was in the bathroom and started to clean my teeth but I picked up the wrong toothbrush and it exploded, shooting the bristles out into my gums like arrows.  It also seemed to squirt blue ink, staining my teeth.  I picked up the right toothbrush and started to rectify things but I was too vicious with it and I loosened one of my teeth at the front.

I was just about to jump in the shower when someone knocked on the door and said that their daughter needed to use the potty, so could I come out for a while.   I came out stark naked (here we go again).  I didn’t seem bothered by this but was very concerned about my tooth.  I wiggled it as I walked downstairs and just as I was announcing to the numerous people sat in the living room that it was loose, it snapped in half and then a few seconds later fell out completely.

I looked in a mirror and was dismayed to see that my teeth were now even worse than they were before with a gap there.  I sighed.

At this point Rob Brydon said that Gwyn had stolen his mini and he was not at all happy about it so he thought it best that I leave the house.  He wouldn’t allow me time to go and get dressed so I ran away and tried to hide in the porch, but I was too fat and he could still see me so I ran outside.

Gwyn was driving the mini and he had a few of his mates in there too - they were all (somehow) lying down on top of one another.  I could see that the windscreen had gone and he drove at me at great speed telling me that I had to jump in horizontally through the windscreen while they were driving at me and we could all escape through time.

I jumped and landed perfectly and we drove off through time all singing very loud songs and getting drunk.

I woke up (in the dream) lying on a trestle table in the middle of a church hall alone, covered only with a dark red curtain.  I was still naked.  I suddenly realised that the church hall was full of thousands of bees all swarming around me and landing on me so I put the curtain over my head, wrapped it to cover as much of my body as I could and made a run for it. I remember bees landing on some very intimate places which believe me is not nice!

I ended up in a kitchen somewhere full of women in the WI.  They sealed off their doors and windows as best they could but the odd bee was still getting in and one woman gave out kitchen implements for us to beat them off.  I had a potato masher.

I swiped at the bess and kept hitting the same one but it just got angrier and also seemed to get bigger and develop a threatening look on its face so I got scared and tried to apologise to it for hitting it with a potato masher but it just kept coming after me.  I then saw that some of the bees had turned into Daddy Long Legs (far more terrifying to me) so I really panicked and screamed (and then I woke up)!

Exhausting...

I was in Pontypool trying to find Gwyn’s flat.  I kept seeing vans with his name and his logo on it and trying to follow them, but other cars got in the way or I ended up turning the wrong way on a one way street causing cars to slam on their brakes and beep at me angrily.

I was then in Gwyn’s flat and he wasn’t there, but I was making him a meal.  For some reason I made him a meal of rice, mashed potato, scrambled egg and beans....all stone cold!  He arrived home and wouldn’t let me heat it up but insisted on eating it cold so I ate mine cold too.  It was horrible!

Then suddenly I was in London trying to fit too much into a day, I had attended a course but wanted to meet up with a friend (M) for a drink and to hide with him in a pub box (?!) which he had hired, so I  tried to alter my ticket so I could go on a later train, but they wouldn’t let me change it and by the time I had queued up and been told this, my original train was leaving and I missed it.  I was aware that it was already 6pm and that I was going to be late for Welsh class.

I was in a room then and was playing a strange game with M and other unidentified people.  It involved slotting a contraption together and transferring ash through weird shaped holes without spilling it!

I was then walking up the road to see Gwyn (again! Sorry Gwyn) who in the dream lived just up the road.  While walking up I saw a blue mini (old classic one) squeeze through an impossibly tight space by sucking its sides it!  I remember thinking that I hoped mine could do that.  I went into Gwyn’s house and somehow ended up behind his house, naked, on a railway track with my mini parked right on the track.

Other people had managed to climb up, back into the house but I really couldn’t manage to hoist myself up no matter how many people tried to help me.  I also said that having to climb over a piano and into a small high window really wasn’t helping.  A German woman living in the house (not a redhead sorry ;-) said that I had a point, because being German she knew how to polish tables properly and I was likely to slip on it!!

I suddenly realised I could walk around anyway and ended up in a small loo trying to find clothes to put on.  All I could find was a yellow suspender belt which was tiny, but as you pulled it, a load of poppers undid and it got to any size you wanted so I made it into a suspender dress and put it on.

I walked into the house pulling my mini in behind me and sat at a table which was far too close to another table and I ended up fighting with the people on the next table while someone was trying to sell me a kitchen.

I picked up a glass which I knew was filled with the poison they give you at the Dignitas clinic and I decided I wanted to taste it, but as I didn’t want to die or get ill, I just sipped it, then spat it down the sink.  It was a very very strong taste and I tried to find something to drink or eat to get rid of the taste, but everything I tasted didn’t taste like it should anymore.  So tea tasted of lemons and cake tasted of sprouts etc and it was all very confusing and disconcerting.

I decided to go out in the mini for a drive and a man that had been there all along started to ask questions about my phone.  He said he had a blackberry and could track me wherever I went.

I drove off into the countryside but somehow still managed to speak to him while I was in the car and he stayed in the house  (it wasn’t over the phone).  I was aware he was tracking me so I tried to confuse him by saying I was going one way then going another but he knew not only where I was but exactly what I could see.

He told me that he now owned me and that I was under his control but I just kept on driving hoping I could escape. 

Tents and talking chickens...

I arrived in a hotel with two others (not sure who) and as we booked in, the lady that ran it told us that there was a ball that night and that all guests had to go, but not to worry because the hotel provided outfits.

She handed out two beautiful dresses to the two others - they put them on and looked stunning and glamorous.  She looked at me and frowned and said she was sorry but she only had one dress that would fit me.  She handed me something that looked like a faded green tent.

I put it on.  The design was, that there was a bit that your bust was meant to be in with a seam and gathered underneath.  This seam was meant to be under the bust.

On me, the whole thing was tight around my bust and the seam was on top of, not under, my bust - it was clearly way too small.  From the seam, the gathered material was quite thick and stiff so it didn't even hang down but stuck outwards making me look like a cross between a human tent, a christmas tree and some sort of fabric based weapon.

It is fair to say that I looked truly hideous but the lady who ran the hotel and the two people with me said it looked fine.  I could see that it didn't and I felt miserable and upset but accepting that I would have to wear it.

We all went for a walk (thankfully without the dresses) and as we were passing some shops I saw some youths sitting in my car (my mini).  I rushed over to them and started shouting and asking how they had my car but they just laughed at me so I pulled them out of the car by their hair and started to get quite violent.

I asked how they had it and they showed me that they had copies of all my keys (except theirs were gold).  I said I had only just left it in a secure hotel car park and did they work for the hotel, but a girl said that they had taken it from my home and that they'd had it a month.

I was very confused and felt very upset but took the keys and my car and went back to the hotel.

The ball had started and I knew I had to wear the dress which by now had changed colour and looked like an off white stained plastic sheet.

As I walked around I felt the most intense burning feeling of shame and embarrassment.  I wanted to disappear or become invisible and I made my way to a balcony.  There was an old man sat out there smoking.  He looked me up and down and raised his eyebrows at my dress.  I shrugged at him and he nodded.  I felt comfortable so I sat next to him and didn't speak but started humming.  He was tapping his foot in time to my humming and I put my head on his shoulder and started to cry and cry.

I suddenly decided to climb over the balcony which I did with great ease despite wearing a marquee!  Once on the ground I ran towards some woods and I discovered that I could run faster and easier than I ever would have thought possible so I ran faster and faster and seemed to be able to go miles without any problem.

I ended up abroad on a mountain range and I used the dress to camp in, thinking it had turned out to be OK in the end after all.  The tent was huge and had various mod-cons in it and also there were talking chickens living  in it.  I decided the chickens were wise and that I should stay there.


PS - Sorry I failed to make it an interesting dream yet again!