A psychiatrist would have a field day with this one...:-/

I was at a multi person counselling session in a large untidy bathroom. The counsellor was a man. Being counselled was myself, another woman and a man. 

In addition, the session was 'hosted' by Janet Dibley(!) who manned a pretend shop in the corner to observe what people bought and how they reacted to being given the wrong change. 

The counsellor asked a general question and I answered, but he shushed me saying it was someone else's turn and that I always answered and didn't know when people had had enough of me! 

I felt dreadful and went quiet. The other woman answered and I wandered off. 

The other man had been hiding in a pile of dirty laundry but he'd gone off somewhere so I took his place. I thought that the counsellor would coax me back out but he didn't. 

After a while I went to the pretend shop to buy chocolate but it was so 'pretend' that there was nothing there at all. Just Janet Dibley. 

She asked me what I would buy if there was a real shop so I said chocolate, but she said she didn't have any. I frowned and didn't understand the point of it all. 

She told me to buy a newspaper. I said I didn't want one but she pretended to pick one up and handed it to me. 

I didn't do anything and she started to shout at me to take it so I reached out and pretended to take it. 

She then said 'that's a pound please' so I pretended to give her a pound but she got cross saying 'real money moron'. 

I sighed and gave her a tenner. She gave me three pound back. 

I asked for all my change and she scribbled some notes before giving me another eight pounds. 

I walked off counting it then turned back saying she'd given me too much now. Again she made notes. 

Finally I had the right money and wanted to leave but as I did she looked at my imaginary paper and pointed, screaming out that I'd bought the Sun. 

Everyone ran out of the room in horror and I got more and more exasperated so decided to join in with the madness. I imagined the paper turning into chocolate and ate it. 

I left the bathroom feeling I'd somehow had a little success. It was now a normal sized room in my house at night. 

As I came out I noticed someone stood in the doorway of the bedroom next to the bathroom. They were talking to a man who was lying in bed. He was telling them all sorts of interesting things (not sure how I knew this) but I wasn't allowed to hear. 

So I went upstairs to bed. 

Once in my room my sister was there. I felt uncomfortable and looked down to see blood spurting out of my body all over the place. 

My sister looked at me in disgust and said she couldn't believe I hadn't sorted myself out while I was in the bathroom.  I asked if she'd go down to get stuff to help me but she just laughed. 

My mother appeared, looked at me and sighed, shaking her head.  She told me I should know better and would have to pay for a new carpet. 

She then went again, closely followed by my sister. I could hear them moaning about me as they walked off saying some people didn't know when they weren't wanted and hung around like a bad smell. 

I remember thinking I was having a bit of a bad day. 

PS sorry. I did try to have an 'interesting' dream ;-)

Back to dreaming ways...

I was in 'my house' which wasn't anything like my house of course. My friend Julie was there with her mother and her auntie. 

I'd made them all a lunch of grass sandwiches and a drink of tea but none of them ate/drank it so I told them to help themselves in the obvious kitchen. 

Julie and I were off out and I asked her to help me buy some brown trousers for Saturday. We were just going out when Julie saw that 'helicopter heroes' was on and didn't want to miss it, but I said I'd record it and did so by putting on green overalls, then removing them again. 

We went out but I ended up on my own at a conference/meeting in a hotel. I was aware that Gwyn was in the room and that he'd see what I really looked like but I was resigned to it, so just let out a huge sigh that made everyone look at me. 

He walked past loudly talking about room 145 and I was aware I had the key to that room (no idea how) so I thought maybe he wanted me to go there to talk in private. 

It took me a while to find it and when I did he was with someone else, so I crept away so as not to disturb them and went to buy lunch. I was with Julie again and we went into a pub. Gwyn was in there too and followed us out but Julie told him it was too late now because I had to go back to work. 

I looked back at him feeling sorry I hadn't had a chance to meet him properly. 

I did go back to work and my sister was there auditing my leave card. 

I showed her that everything was signed and in order. Each day's leave had a blue postal stamp alongside it with Gwyn's head on it. 

I then noticed that I had two days' leave in one day on the 19th which meant I could go home.  

As I sat there about to leave 'M' came up behind me and put his arms round me. 

I realised he was here for work and that this was our first ever meeting but didn't find it odd. I asked him if he was working or going home that afternoon and he said neither. 

I asked him if he wanted to spend the afternoon with me and maybe go for a drink. There was a short silence before he simply said 'no'. 

There was then a very long silence before he said he'd remembered he was working after all. 

I clearly realised this was an excuse and thought it was a shame as I knew we'd be unlikely to ever meet again, but I just sighed, said ok and walked off to go home. 

I bumped into my husband on the way and was disturbed to notice he was wearing a patchwork suit. It was different shades of blue and grey.  He said he was going to a funeral but I said he couldn't go dressed like that. 

We were back in the original hotel and I was trying to find him something to wear on a rail of clothes.  In the end I selected an ironing board for him to wear. 

Back in the conference room someone was speaking about a stupid woman looking for brown trousers and I realised it was about me. 

I walked in and everyone turned and laughed. I realised I'd had no trousers or skirt on all day and felt very cross that I hadn't checked earlier. 

Zilch

For the first time in such a long time, I either didn't have a dream last night or can't remember it. I feel quite disappointed! :-/

If anything comes back to me I'll record it here but it's unlikely.

So. A day off then!

:-)

X

Caged and a day trip to Derby

Well two this time.  I'll do the shorter weirder one first...

I was kept in a rabbit cage (scarily I think I may have been naked) and I had a collar on with 22 leads. 

Outside the cage, everyone I follow on twitter had one lead each and they all stood around chatting and occasionally throwing me pieces of Turkish delight on toast!!

The second dream was slightly less strange. 

My husband and I were having a day out in Derby. 

Actually that is quite strange...:-/

Anyway we went to a split level cafe but there was a 45 minute wait for milkshakes so we walked out in disgust. 

Ten minutes later we remember we had already paid so we went back to find our food in paper bags on the doorstep. 

It wasn't what we ordered however and seemed to consist mainly of marshmallow ice cream cones and penny sweets. 

It was however somehow clearly worth more than we'd paid for so we just ate what we had. 

We went on a bus tour of Derby. To get off the bus you had to go down a slide but my bum was too big so I kept getting jammed and there was a build up of passengers behind me getting cross. 

As I eventually got off, I knocked someone's porcelain telly off and got a load of abuse by some young lads. 

I walked around and picked it up. It had turned into a paper plate clock and they snatched it off me still insulting me and shouting abuse. 

We tried to cross a busy road, waiting on a grass verge. My husband couldn't tell where the grass ended and the road began so he kept standing in the middle of the road and I kept pulling him back. 

The buses were double decker bendy buses. They were purple and orange, vicious and went at 100 mph. 

As we stood on the verge, a trio of police officers came up to us. There were two woman and a man, they were all in white uniforms and they spoke in unison. 

They apologised but took a photo as evidence and said we had been virtual arrested for excessive grass waiting. 

At that point we saw the cafe owners were after us for having too much of their food.  They chased us and we ran away but we got entangled in some knicker elastic that was threaded across the road. 

Opera, chaos and a very crappy birthday to me...

I was at an outdoor fashion show but the clothes were all very beautiful ornate 18th century style.  Each new model walked up steps and into the main arena to the accompaniment of opera. 

A woman who I sensed was 'somebody' was the star guest and a very annoying, drippy sycophantic man was overly keen to get her opinion each time. Not on the clothes, but on the music. 

She seemed decidedly uninterested in the whole thing and was looking very fed up and irritated.  Each time he asked, she repeated that opera wasn't her thing through gritted teeth. 

The man bustled off somewhere and I walked over to speak to her. I commented on how annoying he was and she agreed wholeheartedly. She told me she had agreed to this but wasn't enjoying it at all. I asked her if operetta was any easier than opera and she frowned and shrugged. 

Before I could attempt to explain, the next music was three little maids from the Mikado.  I told her that I'd been in it at school (I was) and that I'd played the part of Peep Bo (I didn't).

I never got to find out her opinion however as suddenly I was in the front garden of an elevated council house in Pine Avenue in Worcester (number 5). 

It was total chaos. Myself my parents and my husband were all trying to get organised for something at the same time but there was no communication, so I'd bring something out into the garden, only for someone else to take it in the house again. 

I was aware that I was being picked up by a minibus any moment and  I was also aware it was my birthday. 

I was trying to get ready, get packed to go away and tidy up all at the same time but so was everyone else. I was nowhere near ready, I'd lost my make up, everything was in the wrong bag and we were  all bumping in to each other. 

It was the most total disorganised,chaotic scene imaginable and then the minibus came but I wasn't ready and I missed it.

My mother and husband wished me happy birthday but my Dad said he wasn't my Dad and refused to. 

I decided to wrap myself in a hose pipe and sit in the shed to sulk, but it was full of jars. I opened one and found a sticky dead daddy long legs. I screamed and tried to drop it but it stuck to me. 

I eventually managed to fling it off and as it hit the wall it turned into a spider and ran off.  I decided not to open any more jars, but I noticed an old phone charger and decided to charge myself (!?)

I plugged it into my arm and sat back and relaxed, but several hours later didn't feel any different. I followed the wire from my arm to make sure the power source was turned on, only to find that I was the power source, so I was charging myself making the whole thing pointless :-/

Yet another trio.....

Another Trio of dreams - although I have no idea on what order they were in.

Adelphi Hotel

In the first dream I turned up at the Adelphi Hotel in Liverpool (which of course was nothing like it actually is).  I knew I had booked well in advance but something had gone wrong and they had no record so I was given an 'emergency room'.  

The next morning I was sat in the restaurant having breakfast with my friend Jules and men I knew from work kept coming up to me one by one sniggering and asking VERY personal questions about my sex life.  I wouldn't answer any of them and I thought there was obviously some sort of dare, bet or silly game going on which made me feel very cross.

I knew I had to sort out the booking for the rest of my stay so I headed outside, (reception was in a different building) and saw everyone walking the longest possible route, walking on the path that snaked around like lots of S shapes.  I just took the direct route and everyone gasped (and one woman fainted) in shock that I had walked on the grass.

At reception I was arrested for coming out of a hotel I hadn't booked into yet but I managed to explain and the woman became friendlier and said she would have to catch me a room.  Behind her was a large board with hundreds of little lights on it that were flashing on and off really fast.  She kept grabbing at it and eventually said she had caught me room 612 which was a twin room.

I said, in that case my friend Jules could share with me, but she stood some distance away from me and refused to share because she was worried that the sniggering men from work would turn up.

No outsize willies at the BBC!

In a different dream I saw Matt Smith chatting up Karen Gillan then walking off to have sex.  A man with a clipboard came up to me and said that he wanted me to take a temporary contract with the BBC measuring men's penises.  He further explained that BBC employees were only allowed to have sex with each other if any penis involved was below a set maximum size.  I agreed to this, took the clipboard and went off to look for Matt smith.

At lunchtime I was in the canteen talking to a woman and I said I quite liked working for the BBC and did she know who I had to talk to to make it permanent.  I explained that all I wanted was any old office job.

She asked me what degree I had and I explained that I didn't have one.  She said that it was BBC policy that everyone had to have a degree.  I said I had 25 years experience of various office type work and I really didn't need a degree but she was insistent and we ended up arguing.  I demanded to have it out with the Director General and suddenly I was being restrained by lots of canteen assistants who tied me up with their aprons.

Chocolate growing on trees....that really is a dream!

The final dream is fairly short.  I woke up in bed because there were things sticking in my back and I was really uncomfortable.  I turned over to see that the bed was filled with children's arms.  I tutted and got up.  

At present (in real life) my husband is incapacitated with a bad back, but in the dream he discovered that he was absolutely fine and could move around as normal as long as he was in a greenhouse.

I noticed for the first time in 8 years that we had a greenhouse, so I went in with him.  It was full of tall think plants with second hand books growing on them.  I picked a few off and realised that all of them had curly wurlys inside.  This pleased me and I started to suck the chocolate off as many as I could.

A duo of dreams this time...

Dream one - nymphomania and blue dream-ja vu? :-/

I was stood outside a doorway in a block of flats chatting to some other woman. There was a long queue of men going up the stairs to the next floor. Some one shouted out 'number 46 please' and they all shifted along one place. 

We simultaneously realised that my adult daughter (which I don't actually have) was in the upstairs flat having sex with all these men, but that it was because of some sort of hormone disorder which meant she just couldn't stop. 

We decided that we should help her and for some reason this involved going to the basement of the flats in which everything was blue. As soon as I even thought about the blue basement I had a strong sense of déjà vu and felt I knew what was coming. 

To help my daughter we had to cut and paste from bits of real life using our fingers and using these snippets of the world we had to make a realistic picture/collage of the tardis in the right colour blue to match the basement. 

I was in the middle of doing the bit with the lock on the door when I was awoken. 

Dream two - dodgy goings on in a little country house

The next dream was in Yorkshire.  I was walking down a lane that ran along the back of a row of houses. The other side of the lane was farmland.  I think I was pushing a bike. I got talking to a couple about their daughter. Her husband was ill so she had to harvest the fields and move into a new house on her own. I said I'd help when I got home. 

Immediately, the day had gone and I was home. As I walked down the lane she was driving the tractor and cutting a field of brown hops which turned into perfectly cut logs. She was pushing them right to the fence and I was aware it was my job to pick them up and put them away. 

I saw her parents again and they showed me that since that morning the lane had been Tarmacked (completely made up spelling sorry). It was still soft and we were wrecking it by walking on it. 

Her parents also showed me that the beautiful dry stone wall had also been partially and very badly, covered in Tarmac which was dripping off. 

Suddenly I was being shown around the house that the woman had moved into with her friend.  It was a terraced stone house and it was quite 'studenty'. 

They were discussing who wanted which bedroom. The friend wanted the green room and the woman seemed delighted with this. 

I realised I hadn't seen a green room and questioned it. I was shown up a second staircase and realised it was in the attic. It had been converted and was a good sized room. The alcove /dormer window had a cot in it mostly obscured by a curtain. Also, despite being an attic, there was yet another staircase in the corner. 

I remember thinking I wouldn't like a room that people had to walk through to get from one bit of the house to another. 

At that point the dream became more like a film. The 'camera' zoomed in on a pile of dirty clothes and I was made aware there was something significant hidden out of view, just beyond it. 

Although the me in the dream didn't hear, the me watching the 'film' then overheard the one woman say to the other 'do you think it'll be alright?' and the other one answer 'yeah....it should be'. 

We walked up the old wooden stairs. They had been painted white but were now battered and worn.  The me in the dream noticed movement through a gap in the stairs but somehow knew I'd be better off pretending I hadn't noticed. 

The 'camera' however, zoomed through the gap and showed an impossibly huge room (more like a warehouse) underneath with people all working away making spare wings for moths. It was obvious they were hiding. 

We were now in a bright white coloured room above the attic and the news came on the radio that the police were planning a raid in Retchfield in Barnsley. 

The two women panicked and looked at one another but the friend said 'he only arrived last night. It takes ages to set up a raid. It can't be us'

They both looked less panicky but still a little nervous. The 'camera' then zoomed out very fast so the white of the room blurred with the clouds outside which quickly turned dark, then became stars in outer space.